An Atheist's Journey [1]

Almost anyone who knows me knows that I don't think too highly of organized religion. I was raised celebrating Christmas and Easter in a very secular sense, and no more. My mother was raised firmly Catholic and very much resented it. She doesn't speak up much, but this seems to have been her "hill to die on," as my high school English teacher would say, in regards to how we were raised. She's made it very clear that she doesn't believe in any kind of god or god-like entity. Her mother, my grandmother, still goes to the same church every week, even now that she's moved an hour away. Essentially, religion has been a foreign concept to me for my whole life.

Beginning somewhere in high school, I began to refer to myself as an agnostic. It seemed like a less divisive way to say that I was an atheist. I didn't care if there was a god or not, because I was living my life just fine the way I was, and I didn't see a need to change that. I remember at some point in high school (maybe senior year??) we were reading about the founding fathers of the USA and how they were all deists. Most of them believed that god was kind of like a watch-maker. He set the world up and got it running, but then had no more interaction with our daily lives. It seemed like a relatively level-headed way of approaching religion. As I got older, I read more about atheism/agnosticism and I began to realize that I really was an atheist, though. I didn't believe that there was anyone/anything controlling the way that we lived our lives. I believed in the Big Bang Theory and Evolution. Science ruled my thinking. I didn't understand how anyone could think any differently.

This is still my basic view on religion, but now, I'm starting to reconsider. I'm still a HUGE doubter when it comes to a god. I don't know if I will ever fully let go of that. But I'm very interested in exploring religion. I don't know why exactly, but I have a theory. I think that she sense of community that I see others have within a church community is the most attractive part of the whole thing. I am craving some human interaction. REAL human interaction, real conversations with people who are real. I want to be able to talk to someone knowledgeable about religion and faith, but whose primary purpose isn't to "convert" me. I have a lot of questions and I'm looking for some answers.

I've been invited to attend church with a family from my pool this week. The father is a priest in the Anglican Church, and after inviting me to their home for a small get-together for people from their church, and I expressed my unease with religion, they graciously invited me to come to their church. Dave was very adamant that he didn't want to force me, and he's really interested in my opinions. I look forward to going on Sunday with his wife and four lovely daughters who positively adore me, but not as much as I adore them. I will report back on Sunday evening with my thoughts and reactions.

The one major concern I have is that I'm openly(ish?) gay(ish?). I know that the church is not Episcopal, but Anglican. This movement, according to my research, is an attempt to resist much of the changes that have been happening in the Episcopal Church in the US. I wonder if this will impact my experience within the community. My approach for now will just be silent observance and then if I get an opportunity to talk with Dave, I'll discuss my concerns with him then.

Please feel free to offer any comments you may have. Gracias!!

End of an Era

Well I've come to the end of summer now and the main chunk of lifeguarding is over. I will still be working as a lifeguard a couple days per week. I'm currently looking for a full time job which is proving difficult as the economy kind of sucks. So I guess you could say that I'm in flux. I don't really have an adult identity just yet. I'm still living with my parents and still sleeping in a twin bed. I hope that soon I can start doing something that will help me establish myself as a person living in this city. I'm trying to maintain the contacts I've developed over the past three summers at my pool, and hopefully that helps me get my feet on the ground. More on that at another time.

I hope that a job will help me find a group of people that will become my friends. I hope that I can find a couple of social activities that will help me feel a sense of community in a city I've called my home from birth. Death Cab For Cutie says, "When you feel like a tourist in the city you were born in, it's time to go." While I'm not looking to leave, I am looking to say hello as an adult, and to fully experience things that I've never been able to do before. Fingers crossed I guess...

Trying Something New

While I have made a few attempts at blogging before, I'm now shifting my focus. I'm going to start blogging about me, not so much for an audience, but for me mostly. If an audience builds, so be it. But that will not be my focus. I don't care about readership or followership. I just want to write. I want to keep writing. And the only way I know how to keep my own interest is to write about things that interest me and come up in my daily life. Sometimes I will reflect, sometimes I will do a prompt (thanks EMA for that idea). But mostly I will be honest about my life and my thoughts. I wanted to do this farther removed from my "real" internet life (aka Facebook) but still accessible if my "friends" do choose to read it. So this is me, and here we go.